From Joe’s social work practice, facilitating parenting groups, work in television, radio and print media talking about issues facing today’s parent he compiled the top seven questions facing today’s families-

1- How can I stop being a helicopter parent and give my kids a safe way to grow, to become more resilient, to experiment with the idea that “failure is the new success” and to make mistakes and learn from them?

2-How can I get my kids off the couch?

3- What can I do to fight obesity in children in my own family and to avoid “making my kids crazy” about diet and exercise?

4- How can I increase my kids understanding that Facebook friends aren’t friends?

5- How can I help my kids have a break from travelling between two homes every week all year in this co-parenting divorce agreement?

6- I’m a single parent and I’m going nuts. I need a break. Any suggestions?

7- How do I limit screen time in my family all day long during holidays and the summer break?

Joe’s answer to each of these questions? Send them to camp! Summer camps, specialty camps, education camps, overnight camps, day camps, travel camps, canoe tripping camps,……. camps.

Camp has never been more important in child development than it is today. With each newer, “smarter”, virtual device we (by definition) get farther and farther from authenticity. While technology undoubtedly plays a tremendously important role in our lives, so too should empowering real-life experiences.

Adventurous youth ages 10 to 17 and their parents are invited to meet directors and friends of NWL to learn about our canoe tripping programs in Temagami, Ontario, Canada. We’ll share what we’ve learned about empowering young people and balancing busy lives with simple living, adventure and fun.

If you or someone you know are interested in attending one of our events, please RSVP to Cena Shaw at (866) 458-9974 or cena@northwaters.com

Quincy, MA: Thursday, February 7th at 7pm

San Francisco, CA: Sunday, February 10th at 4 pm

Santa Monica, CA: Tuesday, February 12th at 7 pm

Toronto, ON: Thursday, February 21st, 2013 at 7 pm

East Aurora, NY: Sunday, February 24th at 4 pm

Brooklyn, NY: Sunday, March 10th at 4 pm (updated)

Additional dates and locations to be announced.

Crossing James Bay took us two days. We paddled our canoes through swells, we walked in ankle deep water and pulled our canoes behind us, and when the tide went out fully and we found ourselves beached, we portaged across the flat expanse, endless horizon on three sides. We arrived in Moosonee 19 days after we had put in on the Harricana in Amos, Quebec, three weeks into our wilderness canoe trip with Northwaters. Though those were the most physically challenging 19 days I have experienced, I found such satisfaction in the exhilaration of overcoming the physically trying that results from running white water sets and portaging on unmarked trails through such remote and wild land. I’ve never felt so humbled and so empowered from one experience.

That is why I canoe trip. Why I remove myself from the urban world and culture, which I find such stimulation and enjoyment in, and replace the city skyline with that of the rocks, water, and trees. It’s my way to get primal, and get in touch with a version of myself that is determined by the quality of my character, my integrity, my courage, candour, and ability to communicate. The things that define my identity just about everywhere else, prove to be largely irrelevant when I’m out on the trail. It is this internal journey that mirrors the arch of the external one, this tandem, that pulls me into the woods.

Izzy and her trip mates on Northwaters wilderness canoe trip

“It’s the only place in the world where I feel myself”

“I feel so at home here—like I know who I am and where I’m going”

What’s happening during a 3 ½ week program that is missing from their lives back home?

At home, young people can reinvent themselves several times in one day. The 13-year-old girl sitting at the breakfast table with her siblings is very different from the same 13-year-old girl seated with friends in the cafeteria. The 15-year-old boy visiting relatives at Thanksgiving is very different from the same 15-year-old boy in the locker room after football practice. Identity shifts occur often throughout a typical teenager’s day. From classrooms to the mall, the school bus to dance class, essay to Iphone, teenagers interact with a variety of people in a variety of settings, through an array of outlets every day. Parents, teachers, peers; home, school, subway; cell phone, laptop, skype—the variables are limitless. But more often than not, no one individual really has time to see or interact with the “whole” child and subsequently that child rarely ends up feeling known for who they truly are or want to be.

Providing the time and experiences during adolescence for your child to be known, understood and honored for their unique gifts is essential to their journey into adulthood.

At NWL, we have developed a series of programs to meet the specific needs of young people at different stages of maturity and development. In the context of a wilderness canoe trip, small groups of eight or ten teenagers along with their trip leaders travel through some of the most rugged and remote areas of northern Ontario and Quebec learning about the land, each other and most importantly about themselves.

Spending 20 days with a group of peers, facing the same challenges and moving towards the same ultimate goal is only a small piece of the journey. Once young people complete the initial work of learning the basic skills required for physically getting form point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ (paddling, portaging, setting up and taking down camp) they have TIME to begin the more important work of getting to know one another and being known.

Time. Now, there’s a concept. Rarely these days do young people have time to develop meaningful relationships with peers, mentors or elders in their busy, over-scheduled lives. The development and nurturing of relationships sometimes rely on brief text messages, one-hour classes or a family meal – a slow and at times unrewarding process. Having the time, support and environment to nurture, build and maintain relationships is a rarity indeed.

Similarly, teenagers seldom get the chance to work through conflict. Imagine a teenager without the ability to hang up on someone after a disagreement or slam a door when a relationship is challenged. On a canoe trip these avoidance techniques are simply not an option. Group members need to confront conflict and challenges head on in order to move forward with the journey. With the encouragement and support of both mentors and peers, individuals are given the tools they need to work through conflict, problem solve and most importantly, understand each other. They learn that part of being a member of a community is accepting the diversity within it. They learn that conflict and challenge can make both a group and an individual stronger and ultimately more successful.

The young people sharing a journey like this see each other in every light possible—exhausted after a long portage, relaxed and fulfilled watching the sunset, frustrated when things are not going their way, or full of adrenaline and giddy while jumping off a cliff into the crystal clear waters of a pristine lake. There is no option to retreat behind slammed doors or to ‘log off’ when the going gets tough.

At the end of a day on an NWL trip, groups will sit together around the fire sharing stories about the day or reflections from home. More information emerges for a ‘wholistic’ view of each member of the group. Puzzles are slowly put together—why one person has a difficult time dealing with conflict, why another uses humor to cover up their stress. These stories and insights allow each group member to be known. They are revealed for who they are and for who they want to be. And they are accepted. It is a freedom that many of them have longed to experience outside the home.

When trips return to basecamp, the results are very clear. Young people of all shapes and sizes hop out of their canoes gracefully and with confidence. Physically, they seem balanced in their bodies. Their faces beam with pride. Their smiles light up the beach. But the most rewarding part of their return is how they hold themselves within the larger community. Hearing their stories and watching them interact with peers, mentors, elders and family gives us an even greater sense of their journey and growth.

As experiential educators, we recognize that the need for each young person we work with to be known is key to the success of any program. With intentional programming that meets the developmental needs of the adolescent, Northwaters is an environment where elders, mentors and peers come together to understand the individual as a whole person. It is a place where young people are honored for their gifts, celebrated and understood.

Simply put, one of the reasons young people write comments like “this place is magic, it’s the only place on earth where I feel totally myself” is because they have been given the opportunity to be just that—totally themselves. They do not need to reinvent themselves because who they are is totally enough.

Returning home with this empowering sense of self has a strong impact on their lives and relationships. Challenges that may have seemed impossible before, become ‘just another portage’. A conflict with a sibling or parent becomes an opportunity to understand each other and make the relationship stronger. When young people face the world with confidence and a clear understanding of who they are, anything seems possible. When the world understands that young person and they feel known within it, the possibilities are limitless.

Parenting is the most difficult, most rewarding job we’ll ever have. The hours are grueling, the pay is lousy, the job description is infinite but the benefits are exquisite. Of course the conundrum of good parenting is that if we succeed at our jobs, we will ultimately have to let our prodigy go. Raising our happy, healthy family off the beaten path a full day’s drive from where I grew up, often leaves my dad wondering if he’s done his job too well.

Our job as parents is to provide for our children.

When your kids are wee, those needs are as instinctive as they are intuitive. Babes are so helpless, so dependent on us to meet their every need. In retrospect, the sleepless nights and hazy bubble of infancy seem pretty easy (milk, snuggles and a dry bottom solved almost anything back then). Even through early childhood it is clear to see what they need- more milk, more snuggles and a little bit of room to stretch their I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF wings! Middle childhood is shaping up to be a repeat of those toddler years, I hope we can remember what we did right the first time around.

As our children enter adolescence, however, their needs become quite a bit more complicated and nuanced.

Not even they may know what they are asking for, so how can we interpret without misunderstanding? How can we provide and empower? Many of us can see that our children yearn for adventure. Even the most introspective child hungers for something to call her own. But how can you create room for her to fly, without being petrified that she can’t or won’t? Or perhaps even more frightening, that she will!?

Our job as parents is to challenge our children, so they might grow to be resilient; both strong and flexible. Often this is where we need help. There are so many important gifts we can’t actually GIVE our children; we can only guide them in what we believe is the right direction (sometimes by not being the guide at all).

Despite our current population density, modern families tend to be smaller and live in greater isolation. We no longer have an immediate inner network to draw from. The pool of trustworthy adults is often shallower, with fewer appropriate role models at our disposal.

Historically children have filled a purposeful niche in the home — to help around the farm, to help raise younger siblings… the family’s well-being had something directly to do with them. Our modern society has allowed for a lack of purpose. Today’s world feels like a “scarier” place, and we hesitate to let our kids struggle or have consequences. How many times have your parents or grandparents started a story with “when I grew up… (enter hardship here)”.

We naturally don’t want our children to face adversity but by doing too much for them, we are overshadowing and underestimating their capacity to grow. As a result we often try to fill that purposeful void with seemingly more inauthentic activities like screen-time and over scheduled lives.

Our job as parents is to foster independence.

One thing we can be certain about in life is change.  Change often brings with it fear of the unknown, but it is also an opportunity for growth, a celebration, and a rite of passage. Adolescence is a threshold we have all walked through, ripe with choice and mired by hormones. It is defined by risk taking and the need for acceptance. I remember looking so forward to adulthood but (with 40 years of perspective) can see that I lacked the tools, resiliency, and experience to navigate the murky waters in which all adolescents travel.

As a parent, part of our job is to know when our children are ready for these growth experiences. If we surround them with a village of caring, worthy adults, give them freedom and boundaries, love and acceptance, we will succeed in raising resilient young adults. We will be better able to translate their language, hear what they are asking for, and provide for them the opportunities to start to experience life on their own terms.

As a camp professional, part of my job is to help other parents find the appropriate growth experience to fit their child’s given stage of development. When our children tell us they are ready, when they ask for these chances, it will be clear that it is time to do what may perhaps seem counter intuitive… let them go.

“I just wanted to drop a quick note to say thanks to everyone for making Brendan’s Excalibur trip so wonderful.  He talked nonstop from the time I met him at the Airport till we pulled in the driveway at home 7 hours later (and then he started all over for his dad and brother)!  But what I have to say made everything really come to life for us were the wonderful pictures – both from the basecamp which were emailed to us at the beginning of the trip and the pictures on his camera.  Brendan is a pretty terrific kid but he came home from Langskib even better!  Thanks again to all at Langskib – Brendan can’t wait for next summer.”

Love, The C Clan (1^st year participant in our 2 week all boys’ program, age 12)

“Thank you soooo much for everything you have done for my little man and for me. Nate has had nothing but amazing things to say about his awesome adventure in the Temagami Wilderness, and it sure has been quite the experience for me too. He is so proud of himself for overcoming his fears and just letting Mother Nature take care of him, although I have to give you credit for doing such a great job as well.”

xo, Bree Ann. (1^st year participant in our 3.5 week all boys’ program, age 11)

“First a big THANK YOU to you all.  Meg had an amazing time and got everything we hoped for and more out of her time in Temagami.  Michael and I are very appreciative of the hard work, the integrity and the excellence of your program.  We are loving Meg’s stories, she has clearly found a new sense of herself and her potential.  She is very proud of herself!  She told me she spent a lot of time thinking on those portages. I know we have only heard the tip of the ice berg about where her thoughts led her, but what is showing up so far is that she knows she can do more than she thought she could, she can face difficult situations and find the lessons and she can have fun even when the going gets tough!  We now have a new phrase in our house for challenges “it’s just another portage”.”

Katy K (1^st year female participant in our 3.5 week co-ed program, age 16)

“Henry had the kind of experience with you that we hoped he would have … and much much more. Marshal and Laura seem to have been extraordinary leaders.  Henry was appreciative of many of the lessons they taught and/or modeled throughout the journey.  He loved the challenge, and understood the support that everyone needs from time to time. He was impressed by the level of teamwork necessary, and talked about the importance of being able to carry your load.

He came back confident, realizing the difference between spending one’s day doing things that “other people” think are important (i.e. school), and spending a meaningful day engaged in work that has a direct bearing on your survival in the short and long term.  He found a zen kind of focus there that he has a hard time finding in his city life.  We’ll be thinking this year about how to change his life in NYC to incorporate these spirit-sustaining discoveries.

Henry loved the intellectual life on the trail as well.  The conversations were often hilarious, but created perspective on basic things people don’t often talk about, like basic bodily functions, modesty, etc. Other conversations posed question about life, that we don’t often make time for. When we gave Henry back his cell phone, he found that it needed charging.  We noticed that he didn’t bother to charge it for a week.  Maybe he still hasn’t.   Instead, we continued the Northwaters conversations in the car.

Henry came back a new man.”

Ellie C- (Henry’s mom, first-year participant in co-ed Northwaters trip, age 14)

And now a few words from our returning participants…

“Wanted to share with you that he had the most wonderful, fabulous time. It’s life changing for him.  Thank you for all of your efforts. Max talks all about the guys leading it (Eric Miller and  Ryan Sablosky)and the entire experience. Blessings and deep gratitude.”

Susan M- (Max’s mom, a Langskib participant 2009-2011)

“Thank you again for all that you do – you guys have an amazing program and the boys and I are so grateful for it. It’s incredible to see what my boys have learned in the summers-I would say it is more like this thing that permeates their very being-I can see the strong and upright men that they are becoming. There are times when one or the other is struggling with something in life and I swear I can watch them gather themselves up again in a way that I never taught them to do- I can see them tap into this thing that soaked into their skin at camp.  I have even overheard them reminding each other of the challenges they overcame at Langskib. And so again, I thank you for all the work you are doing-this is so what our children and the children of the future need.”

Judith M (mom of Makima and Taeven, participants 2007-2011)

“Arik’s experiences with Langskib and Temagami have anchored his sense of self and given wings to his dreams and aspirations! I have such deep gratitude and respect for what this program nurtures and unfolds for these young people! It was a dream of mine, as well,that Arik be able to experience the sanctuary of the wild Temagami … it has served us both so well! Venturing North to see him come in from a trip … it has been the high-point of my summers!”

Lezlie D (Arik’s mom, participant 2006-2011)

35 years ago a sophisticated suburban mother of four identified in her 2^nd born a need to escape the traditional.   It was clear that her stoic and resourceful boy was ready for a unique and identifying experience.  And so, at the age of 13, she sent him to Langskib.  To this day, she remembers with vivid clarity C.G. returning home from his summer in Temagami.  He was different she said.  Something had changed in him, this was very clear. Indeed, it was clear.  In addition to crossing a bridge he had chosen his life’s path.

C.G. has returned to Langskib every summer since then.  Beginning as a participant and soon becoming staff.  It wasn’t long before Dave Knudsen recognized his dependable nature, strong work ethic and impeccable craftsmanship.   He was hired on full time and began the long process of helping shape the organization and moving it forward.

When I first met C.G. he was devoted to his own personal growth and learning the skills required to manage people effectively.  Not much has changed.  He is dedicated to learning and his capacity for knowledge is overwhelming at times.  I’ve yet to meet another soul who can be simultaneously reading a book about small business organizational development, another on sustainable living, a Patrick O’Brien novel, Cycle World magazine and National Geographic. His quest for knowledge and curiosity combine with his diverse interests to make him an authentic ‘student of life, for life’.

Over the years his leadership has impacted more than an organization.  He has served as a mentor, surrogate father, friend and trusted colleague to generations of participants and staff.  During the off-season, it’s pretty rare for a week to go by without someone calling to ask C.G.’s advice.  Whether it’s someone looking for ideas on how to spend a year off, how to change a break caliper, frame a roof or how to face a particular conflict in their lives—he will make the time to help.

To me, C.G. embodies what Langskib and Northwaters represent: integrity, courage, community and the quest for excellence.

We put a great deal of value on symbols in this organization to recognize a passage from one place to another.  When I asked Bence (an infamous Excalibur Participant) what I should do to commemorate your 35 years here he suggested I commission a true to life statue of you for the cliff at Langskib.

While I agree, a statue would be great, I think it’s more important for you to hear these words and know they are true:  The community of staff sitting in this room are here because of important work that you have done.  The important work they do with young people on trail can happen because of your dedication to the philosophy of NWL and steadfast belief in the process.

As Caretaker of NWL , I know you will do what is right for this land and all those who walk upon it.  But I also know that as long as you breathe, you will uphold the core values of this place; the belief that simple living, hard work and risk changes lives.  Indeed, It changed yours 35 years ago and we are ALL truly thankful for that.

Or… “Why Langskib is like Mongolia”, by alumni Dave Roberts.

It has been over thirty years since I lead my last trip from the dock at Langskib canoe camp for boys.  I was a camper on the first Temagami Trip the year Dave Knudsen bought Camp Windshift which became Langskib. I was one of the first leaders, I co-lead the first Dumoines River Trip. I lead CG on his very first canoe trip; he later became the best assistant I had the pleasure of working with.

A lot has happened since I left Langskib;  some good, some not as good. I moved to the West, I worked as a cowboy on several cattle ranches in Colorado, I lead elk and deer hunters on horse pack trips into the Rocky Mountains for 11 years, did many other jobs, lived in several places. I married, raised kids, divorced and ended up with a desk job shuffling paper. I soon plan on changing that desk job to something more exciting.

Last year, life was getting a little too slow and too domesticated, I was missing the adventures I had leading canoe trips, the traveling into the unknown, not knowing where camp will be until evening comes. I missed the nomadic life I lived as a cowboy. So I packed some belongings and traveled to Mongolia for three weeks. The people there still live the same as they did 800 years ago when Genghis Khaan ruled. They live in tents called Gers, they move their livestock with the season, packing all their worldly belongings onto ox drawn carts and live off the land. Mongolia is great, just what I was looking for, people with a nomadic spirit. The entire time I was in Mongolia I never felt alone, everywhere I went people treated me as a friend. I spent days galloping a horseback across the Mongolian Steepe with nomadic horseman, I stayed in their Gers, I learned their culture and shared experiences with them. I am learning their language and plan to return to Mongolia next year to visit with Mongol friends and other friends I have yet to meet.

Interesting enough, where I traveled in Mongolia is exactly the other side of the world from Langskib; same latitude as Langskib and exactly 180 degrees difference in longitude. I could not help to think back on the experiences at Langskib and the skill I learned. The canoe trips I lead were stepping stones for the adventures that followed. I was hired as a hunting guide and cowboy because of my skills I learned at Langskib, the ability to live in the wilderness. As Koonze, a cowboy friend, said “We are men that do not need to go home at night.” At the end of the day, home was where we camped, just as it was leading canoe trips. What was hardship to many was just another day on the trail for me.

Several years back I had the thrill of watching my daughter go out on her first Northern Lights Trip and several other trips in the following years. Stepping onto the dock at Langskib for the first time in thirty years brought back memories, seeing Northwaters for the first time show me how much the camp has grown since I worked there. And watching my own daughter return from canoe trips was an emotional experience beyond words for me, having my own daughter learn and experience the same things I did when I was her age.

Soon I will be up at Langskib and Northwaters for the Alumni Weekend. I hope to see old friends and share experiences with others who lead trips over the years.

Life itself is the journey, what an adventure!!

DR/

Of course, it was hard to listen to this lecture and not make parallels to the ideals of Northwaters and Langskib Wilderness Programs and the reverence for childhood and adolescence that is honoured there.  By giving young people the opportunity to unplug, remove themselves from the expectations and norms of their home lives, and be with the land in a safe yet challenging environment, we create beautiful opportunities for personal growth.  We don’t need much to have powerful and formative experiences.  In the case of NWL, it is the bare necessities:  a tent, paddle, canoe, essentials that fit in to the canoe, a small group of supportive peers, and the quiet, solitude, and rawness of the Temagami Wilderness.

At Northwaters and Langskib each participant has an important voice and vital role within the group – it is difficult to blend into the background when one is considered critical to the group.  Often, we see young people come to our programs feeling disconnected and self-conscious.   But when given the opportunity to be with nature, a supportive community and, most importantly, with themselves in a reflective way, we often see these same individuals head back home feeling strong, empowered, and with a newly-found realization of their unique gifts and those of their trip mates.  The skills and lessons learned on a well-thought out wilderness program, such as trust, communication, integrity, honour, discernment, and confidence are skills that will aid young people in the navigation of their lives well beyond their time on trail.

Northwaters is committed to sharing the magic of this experience with parents as well.  We believe that the environment, culture and components used throughout youth programs have great value for families and individuals.  Waypoint is a week-long program at our Langskib basecamp designed specifically for parents who would like to renew their vision of what is possible within themselves and their family.

I felt compelled to share my experience of Kim John Payne’s lecture and of Northwaters with other parents as a message of hope in demanding times.   Kim John’s message reminds us to look at childhood and adolescence as an unfolding process rather than an enrichment opportunity.  In this way we can support our children’s healthy development in to grounded and responsible adults.   The work of Northwaters and Kim John Payne continue to influence my life, and who I am as a parent, by plainly reminding me that simple is powerful.

As the director of Northwaters and Langskib, I often receive queries from parents trying to figure out whether NWL is an American or a Canadian organization. Every other canoe camp I know is predominately one or the other.  One even claims to be “Canada’s Canoe Camp”. Given the recent Olympic events, this seems like a good time to set the record straight; NWL is both.

This is not the simple answer everyone is looking for. Alluding to my dual citizenship when crossing the border seems to virtually guarantee further questions from customs officials. People  prefer if you fit into a category, neatly please, without a whole lot of explanation. Check one box only, as it were. That’s not always possible.

Northwaters and Langskib enroll about 90% of their participants from the U.S. and Canada, the remaining 10% from foreign countries. Enrollment in individual programs and on individual trips can vary considerably.  I remember one trip whose 10 participants represented 6 different nationalities and spoke 7 languages.  Our staff, since they come from the ranks of participants, follow the same pattern, a bunch of Canadians, a bunch of Americans and the occasional international (Germany, France, Spain, Mexico, etc.)

Our organizational structure follows the same pattern – offices, bank accounts and business entities in both countries. Thus, Canadians and Americans pay in the currency of their country of residence and enjoy the simplicity of not having to concern themselves with wild swings in foreign exchange rates or credit card charges for foreign transactions. Moreover, their kids come away from a summer in Temagami with friends from places that would otherwise be just distant places on the world map.

Since 1971, a central tenet of every one of our programs has been tolerance; acceptance and appreciation of differences among people, whether they be racial, cultural, physical, spiritual, economic, you name it.  For many participants, our program is their first exposure to cultures different from their own.  We work hard to build community in our programs, to facilitate participants getting to know each other early on, so when the time comes to meet a challenge together on the trail, everybody works together.

When the beauty of a place takes my breath away, when I am filled with admiration, respect or love for another human, nationality is never a factor. When I take inventory of the people and places I know, love and respect, they span the U.S., Canada and more.  There were moments during Sunday’s hockey game when I was deeply proud of my citizenship in both countries. I was tempted to stop watching when the game tied in the last minute. I didn’t want either country to lose.

My son McKenzie, age 7, who also enjoys dual citizenship, asked me which country was my favorite. I responded “whichever I happen to be in at the time”. I hope McKenzie and his generation can continue to enjoy the blessings of both nations.